Like I said in my previous post, I’m trying to keep it positive. Things are looking good. We are settling in our new house and reconnecting with old friends. The kids are doing great. The biggest challenge is adjusting to our new jobs: work for me and school for my husband.

I don’t know if it is me who changed or the city (likely it’s a lot of both), but I find it hard to re-adjust to the way people think and feel in the city. It’s not just the rush, although I feel that too. I was wondering why I felt so stressed (not like moving, finding new jobs and re-adjusting to a new life isn’t enough), but I realized yesterday that it was more than that. Up north, the pace of the energy flowed at the same pace as my breath. I’ve realized that I can’t pace my energy (and don’t want to) at the same pace that I’m living my life here. I’m going to have to be really careful to keep my natural rythm in spite of the rush. Nobody can live in their natural energy state while going crazy with everything. It’s just not healthy.

I’m not about to go on a spree of ‘city bashing’. Positivity, right? But I can’t help but make a comparative study of what I observe since I’ve been back. After a week back at work, it seems that my experience of the city so far can be summed up in one principle:

‘What are people going to think?’

It seems that this is the number pre-occupation of people nowadays. OK, you might think it’s clichĂ©, self-help stuff, but believe me, it’s not merely an obvious statement. It’s a real consideration. I arrived at my new job, I am asked to dress a certain way, to act a certain way, to ascribe to company protocol in terms of contact with the clients, etc… They want me to be a certain way. I understand that: the clinic has a reputation to uphold. But, one of the greatest lessons that I have learned up north is to give of yourself. You reach within and you give your gifts as a token of your love for the world and for the other that is standing in front of you. There is nothing else that matters. Of course, up there you get points just for showing up to work, so right off the bat, I’m hitting a major culture clash. But when you do show up, you give what you have to offer, the best of yourself. It doesn’t matter what your position is or what you are paid to do. You give of yourself! Imagine that! That is how a community works. When everyone gives their special talent, the whole community thrives. It’s not about ‘Is my image preserved?’ Who cares about your image! Give that sacred gift and let the world become better.

I also think that the north has given me a lot of time to feel energy in a surrounding that was devoid of ‘noise’. I could really attend to everything that was coming through and give it my attention. I knew that it would not be possible in the city and I knew that I would have to filter out a lot of noise. What I wasn’t prepared for was the augmented sensitivity that I feel for people. Those who have read my book probably remember the exercise where I sensed hidden objects, to discover that I could identify most of them just by feeling. I’ve been getting a lot more information from people as well these days. Here I am, all of sudden, surrounded by new people, and I feel what they are not saying. I was thinking that I was imagining things based on my own stress. But now I really feel that I am reading people’s impressions and non-verbal the same way that I can read objects. What I read is so different from what I am used to! I grew up in Montreal and have been gone only 5 years, but these people feel like strangers to me. I’ve been meeting people non-stop up north. There are a lot of travelling professionals and we meet new people every single day. I have learned there to get interested in people. People have stories and interests and if you ask a person what jives them, you will get a treasure of interaction that you can never get with the usual niceties. Well, I am back at niceties and it took me a little by surprise.

After a week of stress at work, trying to fit in with people I don’t quite understand and wearing clothes that don’t really ‘fit’ me, I realize that my journey is taking me on new challenges.

To sum it all, I’m planning to tap deep, deep, deep within and really tap into all those lessons and work hard against the current to make sure I don’t forget what I have learned. I’ll have to ground like I’ve never grounded before and breathe more consciously and steadily than I ever have. I feel like I’m gearing up for a peaceful battle. Let you know what happens! Thank you all for giving me this little place to reconnect with my spirit!

Peace be with you always!

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